Sometimes, it is important in order to share someone’s story with another, that way they can learn what to expect when it comes to their mental health diagnosis. Not every diagnosis is going to be the same, everyone is going to be different from the rest but a lot share similar stories. Many of us were afraid of what we were going to find out from the doctors who we were seeking medical help with, afraid that perhaps, we did have something wrong with our brains. There was a fear within us of what others were going to think of us, a fear of what they might say when they found out that we were ill. It is something that no one wants, to deal with the stigma that others throw at them. Perhaps that is what everyone fears. Well I am here to tell you that everyone who has been in your shoes has had that fear and it is okay to seek help. Seeking help is what you need to do in order to help yourself feel better. This is why I am sharing my story, to let others know that it is okay to seek help; that sometimes, there might be some potholes along the way but it is still okay. If you need help, then you need help.
It started in August 2014, when I was feeling severe periods of depression. I went into the doctors in order to talk to them about it. While there, I was give a high dose of prozac in order to help with my symptoms. Satisfied and believing that this would be work, I went home without complaint. Well, I lasted around three months. During those three months, I acted far more strangely compared to what I normally would. The medicine seemed to make me act as though I was on a sugar rush, making me talk really fast and get really hyper. It was a strange feeling for me, something that I really could not control at all. Along with this sudden shifts of moods came the sudden crashes that occurred with it. I would become depressed and moody, not wanting to do anything at all. I took no notice of it all all, not really thinking anything of my moods. That was until an event that happened in January 2014.
It wasn’t what I was expecting at all to be coming from me. I was checking out a client and I had another stylist who had come along. Although I was struggling with the computers a bit, I was more than determined to figure it out. Unfortunately, it didn’t help that I had her commanding me about in the background, trying to tell me what to do. I was getting angry and before I knew what I was saying, I told her to “Leave me the fuck alone.” I am certain she was completely surprised with everything that I had said, especially since I was generally a quiet figure who never said much at all. Afterwards, I was brought into the office and given a written warning and asked why I did it. And in all honesty, I told her I couldn’t even remember what I told her. I told her that everything happened so fact that it was such a blur for me. Probably one of the reasons why I was only given a written. The rest of my week was miserable and my anxiety seemed to increase dramatically. Everything bothered me, including the littlest things that the stylist said to me. I became cautious with everything that had happened around me that I began to worry about my own health, which is where the research began.
I was beginning to realize that what I was experiencing was not just depression but something else. Depression would not make you high and plummet ten times worse than what you were before. It was then in which I began to dig and do a little research, deciding to see what I could find. It was while I was searching that I came across Bipolar and interesting enough, the symptoms were similar to mine. A lot of what was described, including it acting up under antidepressants, was exactly what I was experiencing so therefore, I booked an appointment with a new doctor. It was now February, due to the fact I felt the last one never listened to me at all. Once meeting my doctor, she agreed that my symptoms were similar to that of bipolar and therefore, put me on medicine to help me manage it while setting up arrangements to see a psychiatrist.
Now, for some reason, it took me two years to get a psychiatrist but once I did, he confirmed that I had bipolar, as well as a possible personality disorder. He also concluded that I also have anxiety into the mix (oh goody!). He updated my medicine and now keeps an eye on me every month of so to make sure that everything is going well. Other than that, that is pretty much all I do for my appointments. They are pretty much an in and out basis just to make sure I am alright and that I am not emotionally distressed.
Now, everyone had a different experience whenever it comes to getting diagnosed. Some get diagnosed right away while others get multiple other diagnosis before they actually get the right one. Just don’t get discourage and everything will be alright. I promise.