The Frustrations of my Illness

I haven’t written in a while due to the fact that I did not have much to write about and I fell out of journaling for a bit. Maybe that isn’t an excuse for stopping but it is a reason why I had stopped journaling for a bit. It seems to happen often when it comes to having Bipolar, especially when you are experiencing the depression side of it. Things that you once enjoyed – even if it was once the simplest thing that you could possibly do – are not simple anymore. Instead, they become rather difficult in order to complete. They become forgotten, lost in translation in the depression that is now apart of your life. You lose the will to do the things that you once loved to do.

Bipolar changes your life.

There is so much that bipolar changes within one’s life that it can become rather frustrating. Everything that I have dealt with, I have become frustrated at times with what I have dealt with. My moods changing rapidly, causing unexpected reactions. Generally speaking, it is caused by my bipolar and the rapid moving of my mind. It is not fun at all, especially with all that I deal with. There are plenty of times in which I wish that it would all stop but unfortunately, it is something that is hard to control, especially when one doesn’t have the right medicine.

Speaking of medicine, it can be hard in order to find the right medicine that can be of help and might result in multiple trial and errors before the right cocktail is found. I will be honest, this is what I find very frustrating to me. What worked for me for 6 months would stop working for me and cause problems and make things worse than what they should be. Not only is finding the right medicine a pain in the ass but let’s talk about the side effect. Really. Some of the side effects that you get from the medicine is not the most pleasant side effects that you can ever get. Weight gain. Mania. Depression. There are so many negative side effects which are caused by these medicines that it is hard to believe. Most of the medicines have negative side effects, especially whenever it comes to the antipsychotics.

There are so many frustrations that come with this disorder that sometimes, it is hard to see past the negatives and look towards the positives. I have become a more compassionate and opened my heart up towards other people. I see the world differently compared to other people, who might not see it in the same perspective as me so even though there are some frustrations of bipolar that I deal with, I also deal with the aspects where it has helped me grow as a human being.

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