Mental Illness and Relationships

There is something interesting about relationships and that is that they require a lot of effort. They tend to be rather difficult to deal with, especially in today’s world. Yet, when you add a mental illness to the equation, the difficulty only seems to increase completely. Everyone needs a sense of companionship, a person who they feel like they belong with, whether or not they wish to admit it. It is all apart of human nature. Without it, we are prone to the loneliness of our own minds, our own souls. We as humans are social beings and need socialization in order to keep us happy. It is the way of life.

Now the reason I am bringing this up is because I myself am in a relationship and I am often confused by how it goes. There are plenty of times that I feel like it is a winding path where I really don’t know if I am supposed to go left or right. I really don’t know. And let me tell you this, he is in the Navy so he is away until March so it is less hectic, at least I would imagine it would be, than what a real relationship would be. Yet, there are times that I often question whether or not he is happy. I myself am happy. I am very happy and have been told by my friends that they have never really seen me this happy before. Yet sometimes worry about him. Is he happy or is he just doing this for me?

This is the thing about having a mental illness especially with having anxiety, your mind is always in a constant worry. It is something that I cannot control and often times, I generally imagine that the worse is going to happen, even when I know that it will not. It is the way that it works inside of my head. You see, when I call or text him, my mind always tells me that he is not happy with me – that there is something bothering him that he doesn’t want to admit to telling me. I ask him all the time about it and he tell me that there is nothing wrong and yet, there is that constant fear that he is hiding something from me. It is this constant fear which sometimes keeps me up at night, which I often time have to remind myself to keep myself going and that my worries are not valid. It is hard but it is often something that I have to do.

Sometimes I just wish that I had someone who understood me to ease my mind a bit, who is able to understand me and what I am doing through. I am afraid that most people I know do not understand what I am going through nor do I tell them what I deal with on a daily basis. I am afraid of telling them exactly how I am feeling. Probably why I prefer writing it out on my blog than actually talking about it in person. It helps me to ease my mind and with the help and support of some of the people who read my blog, it just helps. I know that I should talk to him about this but I feel as though I would scare him away. Again, it is this constant fear that lingers within my head which I wish that I could just get rid of. Unfortunately, this is apart of my illness and I get to deal with it.

Online Dating – Dating with a Mental Illness

Of course, my most favorite subject of all. Online dating. Now, if anyone knows me, online dating has been a complete dud for me. The reason why I have signed up for it was due to the fact that I am incapable of attracting people. I am socially awkward in general. You could flirt all you want and call me beautiful and I am one of those who is more than likely to hide behind my friends in shame. Now, it is not because I do not think of myself as attractive for I am an attractive person (in the picture below, I am the one in the yellow). It is just with my illness, it makes it different for my mind to figure out how to interact normally within a situation.

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Anyways, back to the topic on hand, the dating site has been a popular trend and it is something that I have decided to try. Well, let’s just say that it has been interesting. There are a couple of things that I have learned about them, which I will get to. As for the sites I joined, it was Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and Match.

When it comes to creating my profile, I wanted to be as truthful as possible but what about my mental illness. Should I include it or not? Well, I decided to include it, just to see what would happen and how many people would respond. To be honest, I don’t think half of the people read profiles at all. Seriously people.. read the profiles – they are there for a reason! Second of all, I enjoy intelligence in a man and well, when someone in talking in chatspeak it doesn’t show any promise for me. Yes, there were a lot of polite people on the site but I was looking for more. Oh and let’s point out that a lot of these people were very sexual. I’m asexual and when you start commenting about how sexy I am, you are already turning off my switch.  I would also like to point out that there were people who were not as polite as I would have imagined them to be. One even called me crazy due to my illness.

After agreeing to meet a couple of the guys who were more into my standards, I agreed to meet them. Each date was interesting to say the least. I was as awkward as I could be -which I apologize to any man who had to deal with me them – but they were more than willing to put up with me. I was stood up once, which I should have known that due to the warning signs that he gave me.  Some of the dates I went on a couple of times but out of all the dates, nothing came out of them. It is as though I have failed at the whole dating scene in general or maybe, it is just the dating scene that has failed me. As for the dating sites, I have not given up on them and I am still hoping to find my soulmate. Maybe he might be out there, floating far out of reach.

What I learned from Dating Sites:

So while on the dating site, there are things that I learned. A lot of them helped me to understand myself and how to deal with the people on them.

  1. Get to know a person on the site. Don’t just jump right into meeting a person right away. Get to know that person over the site before your actually meet them. That way, you get to understand their personality.
  2. Read and reread their profile. Please read their profile. I am begging you. Well written profiles are the best and can really help you to get to know a personality of a person and whether or not you will like them.
  3. When on the date, don’t expect it to be love at first sight. There are a lot of times in which I thought I would fall madly in love with a person only to get bored with that person. Love takes time. Sometimes, you need to hang out with a person multiple times in order to gain some feelings for them.
  4. People lie on their profiles. Unfortunately, people do lie on their profiles and it is you who needs to figure out the truth.
  5. People can be cruel and judgemental. If you thought social media was bad, you have never been apart of the online dating world. People are literally judging every inch of you and looking for the best person out there and if you have a flaw that they do not like, they are more than willing to let you know about it. Again, I was called crazy on one of the sites, which really hurt my self esteem.
  6. Trust your instinct. If you do not feel comfortable in a situation, chances are it is not a situation that you should not be in. Trust your feelings.
  7. Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone else. You are unique and your own person. To those who do not accept you, they are not worth your time. There is no point in making them happy when you yourself are not happy. A real relationship is when both parties involved are happy and not just one.

Hopefully, this post was interesting to someone out there. If you have any interesting dating stories to share, comment below and share it with us. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!