This is a picture of me. By looking at me, people would assume that there is nothing wrong with me, that my skin is perfectly flawless. If only people actually knew the truth of what I actual deal with. I wish that I could be the type of person to admit that, beyond the makeup that I wear are the endless amount of scars from the picking that I have done to myself over the past years. Perhaps I should explain myself a bit.
I have Dermatillomania, otherwise known as obsessive skin picking.
It was something that I learned was not enjoyable at all, especially with the standards of beauty of today society. Today, we are all supposed to have beautiful skin and hair and when you have dermatillomania, it doesn’t happen, especially when you cannot help but to pick at the scarbs as well as acne that is on my face. No, according to the beauty industry, we are all supposed to have these beautiful faces with no imperfections at all. Imagine how I feel when I hear that is the standard of beauty. It is something that I cannot say that I am proud of. I am not proud of my picking but again, I cannot control it. Not at all. Half of the time, I really do not even know that I am even picking my face.
This became a problem around my High School time, when stress was high and I needed a way in order to calm myself down. The way to do it was to pick at my face. It was an unhealthy way but for some reason, my mind thought about doing it and half the time, I absentmindedly did it. Throughout my time of skin picking, my peers would make fun of me, muttering comments about what I was doing and teasing me about it but I really couldn’t stop. I could not find a way to stop. It was not something that I could do. My mind just did not have any control in stopping. It made it rather difficult for me, making me question everything that I was doing. Not only was I teased for picking my face and causing more open wounds on my face, but I also was teased for my appearance as well. Life was the same after school, but this time, I had total strangers come up to me and comment about ways to clear up my acne. It was embarrassing, considering that they didn’t know what I was dealing with at the time. Even today, people seem to comment about my skin picking, especially whenever they seeing me picking at my skin. They seem not to understand Dermatillomania and what it really means. Well let me explain.
To put it nicely, it is hell. Half of the time, I don’t even know that I am picking at my fact because I am absentmindedly doing it. It is something that I cannot control, something that I really wish that I could control for it would easily prevent the stares and the comments from the other people who seem to enjoy making towards me. Not only has this cost me my face by causing countless of scars but it caused a lot of interior scars as well, making it difficult for me to actually deal with certain things. I used to be so carefree but now, I am cautious with my appearance, hating to get my picture taken without any ounce of makeup on my face. I need makeup on my face. My self esteem has also lowered because of it, making it difficult to actually accept compliments from people whenever they are given to me. Everything is just so much harder now thanks to the fact that this I deal with all thanks to my skin picking.
If you know anyone who suffers from Dermatillomania, please be kind to them. They deal with enough suffering deep inside from the comments of others around them. Try to be supportive and help them out, that way, they have someone to talk to whenever they need someone. You never know who a person might need when they least expect it.